The Hurt & The Healer....My Version

It has been a very long time since I posted to my blog here, but I have a lot of spare time on my hands right now, so I am going to be improving my blog and even going to start working on a Facebook page to help uplift those who are struggling in life. I want to get better at living intentionally, so I am going to begin working harder at Passionately @live! So let me fill you in a little on how the past few months have played out for me.

The last post I put on here was back in February, and life starting taking a turn in March. March 6, 2015 I was off work and my husband and I decided to go to the library to check our messages. The very FIRST thing I saw was a post that my cousin, Michael, had passed away the day before from an apparent drug overdose. My world fell apart and I took it very hard. I was all the way in Montana & couldn't be home for his funeral, and that made me very sad.......ONE.....

Shortly after Michael passed I found out that my dearest Grandmother had to be rushed into emergency surgery. I got the call just after pulling out of the church parking lot on a Sunday morning. I was told that she may not survive the surgery, that doctors thought something had ruptured inside of her and they didn't know what. My grandma was 91 years old and her age definitely played a factor. I had about 30 seconds to tell my Grandma how much I loved her before they whisked her away to the operating room.

She survived the surgery and returned home about a week or so after, on hospice. I put in my 2 weeks notice at my job and prepared to return home to Arizona so I could hopefully see my Grandma one more time before she left this earth. I got home on April 24th, and had the fortunate opportunity to be there with her as she went to her heavenly home 3 days later......TWO...

While at my grandmother's viewing I was dealt another blow. I found out that my only remaining grandparent, my now 90 year old Grandpa Tom, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and that he chose not to pursue any further treatment. He wants to live out the rest of his days with the best quality of life possible.

My grandpa is pictured, center, with his son and several of his nieces and a nephew, and their grandpa. Grandpa is still with us, but that news hit me so hard I couldn't breathe. I had to leave the funeral home and go have a good cry......THREE.

On May 9th, the day before Mother's Day, I found out that one of my best friends found her brother-in-law hung himself on his mother's porch. My girlfriend was beside herself with grief. Six days later, on the eve of her brother-in-law's memorial, two of my dearest friends in the whole world, who I'd been friends with for 25+ years, were nearly lost in a rollover accident just down the street from where I was living.......BOOM!

 THAT WAS IT.....

THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK......

After 11 years and 8 months of sobriety from my meth addiction I finally broke, and chose to get high to deal with the overwhelming grief that consumed me. My bestie on the right in the above picture was critically injured, with a crushed/shattered pelvis, several broken bones and internal bleeding. My bestie on the left was left paralyzed from the shoulders down, and we are hoping that she will regain use of her arms, but her future was crushed. Both of these girls are amazing friends and mothers. Their families' lives forever change by a freak accident that could have happened to anyone.

I returned to my addiction for nearly a month before realizing that my life was headed back down a very dark road, whose end was not a happy one. My loved ones could tell that I was spiraling out of control, and about 3 weeks into using again I chose to leave my hometown and everyone I loved behind and seek out somewhere that I could make a new life. I drove to Northern California to live with some friends who offered to help me put my life back together.

Less than 2 weeks into living with them, I realized that the living arrangement was not going to work out. I chose to leave my friends, and for the following week & a half I lived in my truck and laid my head wherever I could. During that time I was homeless...sleeping in the back of my truck, and robbed of everything of value that I possessed....while I was sleeping!!! It took me several days to contact my family and make arrangements to stay with cousins in Southern California, where I am living happily today.  But the trials don't end there....

I arrived in the San Bernardino area on July 3rd. By July 6th, an injury that I had sustained on my left big toe before I left Arizona became infected. The injury was around 2 months old and little healing had been sustained. I decided to go to the emergency room and was admitted to the hospital with an obvious infection. I was diagnosed with Osteomyelitis, infection of the bone, and required amputation. The doctors thought they might have to take half my foot, but I was given a blessing with anointed oil for the healing of the sick, and my foot drained out so much yucky, smelly discharge that by the time I had to go to the operating room, only my big toe needed to be amputated.

I have endured 15 days in the hospital over the past month and a half, two surgeries and I am still confined to a wheelchair with a wound vac on my foot to help encourage healing. Turns out I got some pretty serious bacteria in my foot while swimming & bathing in the rivers of Northern California. While I was in the hospital I decided to go back to church & get my life together. I am a work in progress, and trying to make every day better than the last.

I stopped using drugs on June 5th, and stopped smoking cigarettes cold turkey on July 6th, when I spent 10 days in the hospital. Once released, I disposed of 2 full packs of cigarettes, determined to stop partaking of unhealthy habits. I have a new lease on life because I realize just how close I was to losing my future for good. I don't plan to EVER use drugs or smoke ever again! I am looking forward to a great future once my foot is healed. The following song is one that rings true in my life at this time.

I want everyone to be encouraged by my story. I hope that hearing just a few of my recent experiences will help you to get through some of your struggles. KNOW THIS, friends...that God is REAL and he knows what you're going through. If you just turn to Him for your strength and healing, you can never go wrong and He will help give you strength. "For I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST, who strengthens me. And He WILL strengthen YOU, too!!!!

Do YOUR part today to help another.

The GOLDEN rule..... Do unto others as you would have them do unto YOU.

Many people know this "rule" but few LIVE by it.

On my morning devotional today I was reading about a young mother who took her children to school and stopped by a convenience store, where a young man sitting outside mumbled something to her as she walked by. When she went inside, the holy spirit stirred within her and told her to buy an extra bagel and give it to him on the way out. So she did, and when she gave it to him he lit up like it was Christmas. Later on a woman in her friend's bible study showed her a picture of the boy, thanking her for offering her son a bite to eat during his distress. It was a while down the road before the young mother felt the impact her small random act of kindness did, but it was worth her effort.

How many of us see others around us hurting, but do NOTHING to reach out a hand?

When I was homeless there were several times that I was hungry and would have appreciated anything someone gave me. There were times I had to panhandle to eat, and many times I would just stand outside somewhere and ask someone to buy me food, not give me money. Now that I am not so destitute, if I see someone outside a restaurant who looks hungry, I will offer to buy or give them food.

Spring 2012:

My husband and I had just left our Celebrate Recovery meeting at church in Clovis, NM, and we decided to go to dinner together. After a late dinner we decided to stop at Wal-Mart for something I needed. I ran inside and my hubby waited in the car for me. When I went into the store I saw a young lady sitting beside the coke machines with the hood of her hoodie pulled up over her face. All I could see was her hair and her hands, which you could tell were swollen and bruised from a long day. She looked like she was sleeping. When I came out of the store and got into the car, something tugged at my heart. I knew it was the spirit saying "Amy, you were there once. What would JESUS do?". I told my husband to turn the car around. I went up to the girl and woke her. She wasn't very happy about it, and wouldn't even lift her head to speak to me. I asked her if she was okay and she told me to go away. Then I asked her if she was hungry. We still had warm pizza in the car from our dinner together. When I offered her food she asked, "Is it warm?" I told her it sure was! She lifted her head and smiled at me with a painful smile. I got the pizza out of the car and asked her if she had somewhere to stay for the night, offering her a ride to the local shelter. She declined any further assistance, but accepted the food gladly. I told her "I've been where you are, and I understand how you feel. I want you to know God loves you and He's watching over you." When we drove away it was the greatest feeling I'd had in a long time.

My friends, I ask that as you go through each day you will strive to love your fellow man as YOU would want others to love you. Imagine what an amazing world this would be if everyone sought to live by the Golden Rule! Remember these scriptures today....

I love the way the Message Bible puts this scripture.... Matthew 22:37-40:
Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them."

John 13:34: "Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."

It is my prayer that we will each do our part to alleviate the suffering of another today and every day.