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Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The Hurt & The Healer....My Version

It has been a very long time since I posted to my blog here, but I have a lot of spare time on my hands right now, so I am going to be improving my blog and even going to start working on a Facebook page to help uplift those who are struggling in life. I want to get better at living intentionally, so I am going to begin working harder at Passionately @live! So let me fill you in a little on how the past few months have played out for me.

The last post I put on here was back in February, and life starting taking a turn in March. March 6, 2015 I was off work and my husband and I decided to go to the library to check our messages. The very FIRST thing I saw was a post that my cousin, Michael, had passed away the day before from an apparent drug overdose. My world fell apart and I took it very hard. I was all the way in Montana & couldn't be home for his funeral, and that made me very sad.......ONE.....

Shortly after Michael passed I found out that my dearest Grandmother had to be rushed into emergency surgery. I got the call just after pulling out of the church parking lot on a Sunday morning. I was told that she may not survive the surgery, that doctors thought something had ruptured inside of her and they didn't know what. My grandma was 91 years old and her age definitely played a factor. I had about 30 seconds to tell my Grandma how much I loved her before they whisked her away to the operating room.

She survived the surgery and returned home about a week or so after, on hospice. I put in my 2 weeks notice at my job and prepared to return home to Arizona so I could hopefully see my Grandma one more time before she left this earth. I got home on April 24th, and had the fortunate opportunity to be there with her as she went to her heavenly home 3 days later......TWO...

While at my grandmother's viewing I was dealt another blow. I found out that my only remaining grandparent, my now 90 year old Grandpa Tom, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and that he chose not to pursue any further treatment. He wants to live out the rest of his days with the best quality of life possible.

My grandpa is pictured, center, with his son and several of his nieces and a nephew, and their grandpa. Grandpa is still with us, but that news hit me so hard I couldn't breathe. I had to leave the funeral home and go have a good cry......THREE.

On May 9th, the day before Mother's Day, I found out that one of my best friends found her brother-in-law hung himself on his mother's porch. My girlfriend was beside herself with grief. Six days later, on the eve of her brother-in-law's memorial, two of my dearest friends in the whole world, who I'd been friends with for 25+ years, were nearly lost in a rollover accident just down the street from where I was living.......BOOM!

 THAT WAS IT.....

THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK......

After 11 years and 8 months of sobriety from my meth addiction I finally broke, and chose to get high to deal with the overwhelming grief that consumed me. My bestie on the right in the above picture was critically injured, with a crushed/shattered pelvis, several broken bones and internal bleeding. My bestie on the left was left paralyzed from the shoulders down, and we are hoping that she will regain use of her arms, but her future was crushed. Both of these girls are amazing friends and mothers. Their families' lives forever change by a freak accident that could have happened to anyone.

I returned to my addiction for nearly a month before realizing that my life was headed back down a very dark road, whose end was not a happy one. My loved ones could tell that I was spiraling out of control, and about 3 weeks into using again I chose to leave my hometown and everyone I loved behind and seek out somewhere that I could make a new life. I drove to Northern California to live with some friends who offered to help me put my life back together.

Less than 2 weeks into living with them, I realized that the living arrangement was not going to work out. I chose to leave my friends, and for the following week & a half I lived in my truck and laid my head wherever I could. During that time I was homeless...sleeping in the back of my truck, and robbed of everything of value that I possessed....while I was sleeping!!! It took me several days to contact my family and make arrangements to stay with cousins in Southern California, where I am living happily today.  But the trials don't end there....

I arrived in the San Bernardino area on July 3rd. By July 6th, an injury that I had sustained on my left big toe before I left Arizona became infected. The injury was around 2 months old and little healing had been sustained. I decided to go to the emergency room and was admitted to the hospital with an obvious infection. I was diagnosed with Osteomyelitis, infection of the bone, and required amputation. The doctors thought they might have to take half my foot, but I was given a blessing with anointed oil for the healing of the sick, and my foot drained out so much yucky, smelly discharge that by the time I had to go to the operating room, only my big toe needed to be amputated.

I have endured 15 days in the hospital over the past month and a half, two surgeries and I am still confined to a wheelchair with a wound vac on my foot to help encourage healing. Turns out I got some pretty serious bacteria in my foot while swimming & bathing in the rivers of Northern California. While I was in the hospital I decided to go back to church & get my life together. I am a work in progress, and trying to make every day better than the last.

I stopped using drugs on June 5th, and stopped smoking cigarettes cold turkey on July 6th, when I spent 10 days in the hospital. Once released, I disposed of 2 full packs of cigarettes, determined to stop partaking of unhealthy habits. I have a new lease on life because I realize just how close I was to losing my future for good. I don't plan to EVER use drugs or smoke ever again! I am looking forward to a great future once my foot is healed. The following song is one that rings true in my life at this time.

I want everyone to be encouraged by my story. I hope that hearing just a few of my recent experiences will help you to get through some of your struggles. KNOW THIS, friends...that God is REAL and he knows what you're going through. If you just turn to Him for your strength and healing, you can never go wrong and He will help give you strength. "For I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST, who strengthens me. And He WILL strengthen YOU, too!!!!


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